My husband's personality has changed since he had a stroke

My husband's personality has changed since he had a stroke

Dear Coleen,

I’ve been with my husband for 39 years and we were very happily married.

However, two years ago he had two mini strokes and, although he’s physically strong, his personality has changed completely.

He’s had some counselling and seen a psychiatrist but they say they can’t find anything wrong with him.

He puts on a face with them, but he says that he’s finally been awakened to what I’ve been doing to him over the years! He’s gone from being loving and devoted to rude, paranoid and argumentative.

He also swears a lot and says very suggestive things in front of other people. We used to be very close â€" sexually as well â€" but not any more.

He refuses to accept he’s ill or to see a doctor â€" he just says everything is my fault. Now I feel ill with the stress. I’ve lost my confidence and cry a lot on my own.

He goes to bed at 4am and doesn’t get up until after lunchtime, and he never takes part in family things. He’s always on his computer, on Facebook, and he won’t sit at the table and eat any meals with me. I’m becoming so lonely in my own home.

The other night he went out and didn’t get home until 6am, and wouldn’t tell me where he’d been.

He is 59 and I’m 60 and we have a daughter who is 32 and a son of 29, but I feel I can’t talk to them. It should be them coming to me for advice, not the other way round.

We have no mortgage and no debts, but my life is falling apart and I don’t know where to turn.

Coleen says..

Sadly a stroke can change someone’s ­personality, but if the person who’s been affected can’t accept they’ve changed and allow others to get used to the ‘new person’ it can be very hard indeed.

First of all, you do need to open up more to your son and daughter rather than trying to deal with it all on your own. They’re old enough to cope with it and can be there to support you. Don’t underestimate them.

You should also talk to your own doctor â€" not about your husband’s problems, but how they’re affecting you at home.

You could also get advice from the Stroke Association (www.stroke.org.uk: 0303 303 3100), which also runs local support services.

It might really help to speak to someone who’s been in your situation. You can ask how they coped and whether the situation ever improved.

What happened to your husband is very sad, but it’s not your fault and there’s only so much you can do if he won’t accept help.

Perhaps if he sees that you’re not willing to put up with his behaviour any more, it might make him seek help. He may need a lot of professional help and counselling to understand his condition and how it’s affecting others.

If you decide to walk away from your marriage, don’t feel guilty.

You’re in a tough situation over this and there’s only so much anyone can live with. I wish you good luck.